First of all, I just wanted to say happy birthday! You're the best babe! I actually have no idea who you are but I was at your birthday party last night. Basically, my friend Kevin Dahm has a friend named Kevin Down....I know, isn't that crazy???!!!!! Anyways, Kevin Down has a friend whose name I didn't catch that knows through a friend that you were having a party. I think Kevin Down's friend met you once but I'm not sure. So you see, I'm friends with Dahm (1), who's friends with Down (2), who's friends with some guy (3) who's friends with another guy (4) who's friends with you (5). That's five degrees of separation. I may as well be Kevin Bacon. Brooke, now that you're in all likelihood somewhere between the ages of 21-32, how do you think life will be different for you now?
Back to the original point of my letter. I wanted to thank you for helping me achieve the pinnacle of unemployed going out. I attended a very expensive (but still kind of lame) club like Le Passage and drank for free. That's right, two hours of open bar in honor of your special day. I know, we were surprised too, but so were people who know me when they found out I was going to Le Passage. Did you know that the first ten people drank for free instead of paying $15? Yeah, I know, what a deal! Dahm and I were two of those ten. Unfortunately, I'm guessing that meant that eight people who were actually your friends had to pay $15. I'm sorry about that, but I do appreciate your thoughtful consideration of Kevin's and my plight. I'm sure you knew that we would be among the very first people to enter the club so you wanted to repay us for helping you celebrate such a special day. I thought for sure the night would become like a bad episode of "My Super Sweet Sixteen" but it wasn't, and we have you to thank for that Brooke. Your inability to notice that we were there wearing your wristband and capitalizing on your drink special really meant a lot given the current state of our wallets. On behalf of my friend Kevin (Dahm not Down), we are grateful for your ignorance.
Your Complete Stranger,
P.S. That was really neat when the dancing girls brought you guys bottles of Grey Goose while waving sparklers around.