Tuesday, August 25, 2009

2009 Football Season Preview

A lot of sports columnists do previews about the football season - who will be the winners and losers, who the breakthrough players will be, what coaches will be fired, or who will win the Heisman Trophy. Since we are about to enter my favorite time of year, I thought I would do the same. Except, I'm not going to preview the NFL or college football, but rather my own personal football season....It is time for the 2009 Sean Season Preview:

Ok, let's be honest, that was five (really? five???!!!!!) football seasons ago. Here's what it's looking like for this season:

2008 Season in Review:

The 2008 season had mixed results for Sean. He participated in two flag football leagues and exhibited flashes of his former athletic self, but was simultaneously riddled by a thankless job with no opportunity for advancement. Also, due to the implementation of a new system brought on by a new head coach/serious girlfriend, Sean's Saturday tailgating, previously among the best in the league, suffered. However, the new system paid dividends for Sean in other areas such as overall health, productivity, will to live on Sunday mornings, and general desirability as a human being. Sean finished the 2008 season by watching every bengals game on Sunday at Cleo's while doing the NY Times crossword puzzles in sweatpants and a hoodie.

Key additions: An apartment shared with a girl that treats me well, puts up with my shenanigans, cleans up after me without getting mad that I am a guy and can't help being a slob sometimes, a new and improved job situation, a bike that will get me to and from the bar to watch games even faster, herbs (the legal kind), a wine fridge, sunlight in my apartment, a second in-house television, and a renewed hope for the return of Barry Sanders to the NFL. Disregard the creepiness that could be associated with me tracking a sophomore in high school.

Key losses: Another 0.15 seconds in my 40 yard dash time, the ability to stay out past 1 am, an apartment within walking distance of Cleo's and the Map Room, 15 minutes of daily sportscenter watching that has been supplanted by Matt Lauer having "exclusive interviews" with somebody who is "finally speaking out for the first time," respect or hope for humanity due to aforementioned viewing of the Today show.

Key signings: A one-year extension for my extremely comfortable man couch that reclines and has cup holders.

What to watch for in 2009: Look for Sean to play like a wiley veteran in 2009. His extensive experience with the long football seasons has prepared him to not make rookie mistakes like taking shots in the midst of a long day of drinking or making up drinking games associated with the game in progress (at least not until the playoffs). His training regimen, which has consisted primarily of biking, running, red meat, grilling, and beer this summer, should prepare him well for the rigorous 2009 schedule, which includes an all-day tailgate affair associated with the early season matchup of Ohio St and USC on September 12. The following week Sean faces a huge test on the road at Lake Tahoe for a bachelor party with 15 or so dudes, followed by a Friday night affair at home to see Miike Snow in concert. Next week, Sean faces another difficult road game at the McKibben/Kreter wedding in Annapolis. If Sean makes it through this stretch with liver, pancreas, and dignity still intact, it should be smooth sailing until the buckeyes play Penn State on November 7, which last year derailed the calm, rational behavior that was characteristic of the 2008 Sean season.

Here are the pre-season awards projections:

MVP - My bike

Day Drinking Beer of Choice - Sam Adams Oktoberfest

Best Record of Saturday bar attendance - Graham

Breakout Sports Fan: Carrie (due to lack of a choice)

MVB (Most Valuable Bar) - Beer Bistro

Song of the Day:

Gang Gang Dance - House Jam

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